[Kimberly526]

Hello fiona and kathy. Sorry it took me such a long time to reply. I haven’t had access to a computer in a while due to my laptop no longer working. I will definitely make sure to have a big hand in this visitation. I will be staying close by and my youngest daughter will be with me the entire time. She gets nervous like most toddlers do around strangers. I don’t think she’ll remember too much of her father so i’m going to make sure i stay with her the entire time. I will be staying close by to also keep an eye on my olderst daughter. My oldest daughter always tells me everything so i’ll know what is going on. Thank you so much for you’re advice. I really appreciate it! I am still in the process of looking for a job. I didn’t think it would take so long to find a job. Its stressful. But i’m still so thankful to be back in ny. My family has been such an amazing help to us. I hope you both are doing well. Take care! I will make sure to keep you updated.

[Kimberly526]

Hi kathy i just wanted to update you on what was going on with me. We moved to ny and everything is going well. Im still looking for a job. I am hoping to find one really soon. We are currently staying with my sister. My daughters are doing really well here in ny. They are happy and love ny. They love the sights and we always seem to have something new to do almost everyday.

There father calls them about once every 2 weeks or will sometimes go longer without calling them. Which is shocking because i thought he’d call a lot more. When i first moved to ny things between gary and his gf and i got really bad. His gf and i got into a huge nasty fight on facebook which i i felt bad about cause i hate fighting with others. Gary and his cousin posted negative things about me on his facebook which i found out through a family member. So after that i blocked them out of my life and just stopped communicating with them all together. The only time gary calls is when he wants to talk to the girls. Which is ok with me. Then just a few weeks ago gary texted me to tell me that him and his gf were breaking up and that he was sorry for what he did to me. I don’t know if he was apologizing to get back at his gf or if he really meant that he was sorry. And then later that night his gf texted me and apologized to me. Saying she was sorry for the awful things she said. The next day they ended up getting back together. I was really confused. I didn’t understand why they were getting me involved in their little fight. I know his gf was angry with gary for talking to me though. I was just annoyed because i thought the whole thing was childish.

I am supposed to bring the girls back to ky to visit at the end of august. And i have expressed some concerns about the girls and where they will sleep when they stay at his place in august. He never responds or answers my calls when i call with my concerns. It is so hard to co parent with him. I don’t understand why he acts this way. I always get a very negative vibe from him whenever i try to discuss the girls and upcoming visit with him. I also don’t understand that why two of his cousins whom i used to be close to have all of a sudden turned on me.

But other than that i have been enjoying ny and meeting up with old friends. Moving back to ny was a great decision for me and my daughters. I am just a little stressed out over the job situation. I really need to find something soon. I would also like to find a guy eventually as well.

I hope everything is going well with you kathy.

[Kimberly526]

I have decided to not ask my ex to sit and talk with the girls about us not being together. At this point i’m a little uncomfortable around him cause the other day he exploded at me and told me he couldn’t stand me and cussed at me. I know that asking him to talk to the girls together would result in him saying no. I don’t know what i’ve done for him to hate me so bad. Do you have any idea why? And any idea why he won’t even consider apologizing to me? I’m just so shocked by his behavior. This move to NY is starting to seem more and more real. Tomorrow the moving truck comes to take all the heavy stuff. I’m actually getting excited but nervous. And sad cause of the people i’ll miss .

[Kimberly526]

You are so right when you say the hard part is waiting. It seems like the 31st is so far away. Even thouggh it really isn’t. And it feels like there is so much to do before we leave. But I guess before we know it, the day to leave for NY will be here! I do plan on sending my ex pictures of the girls so he can see how they are growing up.

[Kimberly526]

I would love to meet someone in NY once I get settled. And of course the most important thing is that he is kind to my daughters. Thank you so much for your advice and best wishes. 🙂 I can’t wait to be in NY so my daughters and I will be happy like we deserve to be.

I really hope that he does keep in contact with the girls so they can remain close. I feel that he will for the first few months that we are in NY. but I am worried that after a while he will start growing a part from them. I really hope not. But it does worry me because I don’t want my girls feel as if he doesn’t love them. I worry that after as they get older they won’t even want to visit him in KY during the summer. But its up to him if he wants to make the effort. I know i can’t make him do so. I still wish that he didn’t make the decision to leave like he did. I don’t know what he was thinking. I don’t understand how anyone could leave their family. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that being in NY is the right thing for us.

[Kimberly526]

I will ask him tomorrow when I get the chance. I hope he agrees to it but I have a feeling he won’t. He acts as if he can’t stand to even talk or be around me so I doubt he’d say yes. But its worth a shot. His mother and I have plenty of times told him that he needs to spend alone time with the girls. He some reason won’t do that. Everytime he spends time with the girls its at his and his gf’s, and her 4 kids house. Thats what we’ve argued about lately. I don’t feel like its fair that his own daughters can’t have their father to themselves for a day. He gets angry when I bring that subject up cause he accues me of telling him how to spend time with his daughters. I have told him that he can come visit the girls in NY whenever he wants to. But I am a little doubtful that he will visit because money for the trip to visit might be hard for him to save up. And I think he’s also a little afraid that his gf wouldn’t like it if he visited them in NY. Which she has told me before that she wouldn’t mind if he came to NY to visit. So I don’ t know why he is thinking that. He has been spending time with them lately. But I don’t know if that is enough for him to have a meaningful relationship with his daughters later on in life. I hope he has regrets about what he’s done later on down the road.

I am so ready to start this new chapter in my life. I am so excited for it! 🙂

[Kimberly526]

Oh sorry I forgot to answer your question. I think he does realize how this is affecting my oldest daughter but he doesn’t kow what to do. He feels guilty for that but it still doesn’t get him to make better decisions. He thinks that just because she’s 5 that she doesn’t understand what is going on. And that just because she might go to his house and play with his gf’s children that she’s happy and has no problem with things. But I know thats not true. I know this hurts her a lot.

[Kimberly526]

He does tell the girls that he loves them. But I don’t know if he has explained anything to them yet. I don’t think he has but I don’t know what he says to them when they are spending time with him. I have a hard time explaining things to him because everytime I try to. He gets and attitude and rolls his eyes. He basically brushes me off. Even when I aplogize to him for being rude, or get mad at him for bringing the girls around his current girlfriend or saying something I shouldn’t have said. He still just says “ok” and acts like my apologies don’t mean anything. I just give up. Thats one reason why i’m so happy to be moving to NY is to get away from his rude attitude. It seems like he has some grudge or bitterness against me.

[Kimberly526]

He actually didn’t explain anything to the children. I don’t know how he will explain himself once they get older or if he ever will. My oldest daughter is who I worry about the most in this situation. She is feeling as if her father left her to be a father to 4 other children. Its really sad. I’m thankful my 14 month old doesn’t know whats going on. I have already arranged for my to have sole custody and have made arrangements for child support.

[Kimberly526]

Maybe one day my friend and I could work things out. If we don’t its ok cause I know i’ll be ok. I definitely look forward to making new friends in NY. Is it normal for me to feel a little guilty for taking the girls with me to NY and taking them 14 hours away from their father? Today i’ve also been feeling a lot of guilt for that. I’m worried that the girls might resent me once they get older. I know us moving to NY is the right thing for us. I know many people will not understand. But we need my family’s help right now. I just wish I could get rid of this guilt. I know I shouldn’t feel bad after the way he ended things but i still feel bad cause I know this decision hurt him. And there have been some people who have also been making me feel guilty telling me what i’m doing is wrong. I understand where they are coming from. But I know i’m making the right choice for my daughters and I.

[Kimberly526]

Thank you so much Kathy. Its just been really rough since yesterday. A girl who I thought was one of my best friends yesterday just exploded at me and told me that i’m pushy and that because i’m pushy (or she thinks i’m pushy) that is probably the main reason as to why we broke up. It really hurt hearing that. Its awful even hearing that from someone whom you thought was you’re best friend. If she thought that i was talking about the situation too much I wish she would have just told me in a nice way. But I was devestated at the way she treated me yesterday. Thank you so much for you’re kind words. I really do look forward to being in NY

[Kimberly526]

Thank you ladies so much for your advice. I am doing the best I can to focus on moving and my daughters. I am very excited about what the future might have in store for me. However I think what holds me back is just wondering if this was all my fault. I have been told that I am pushy and that its probably the reason as to why he left. So thats just made me wonder if i’m to blame for all of this. I hate that feeling. Its awful. Am I really the reason why all of this happened?

[Kimberly526]

You are so right about the selfishness. That is one thing we used to argue about is how selfish he is. He is still showing a lot of selfishness. And my couch is brown so you were somewhat right about the color. I definitely plan on moving on and doing something with my life. I love to help others as much as I can. They are so many people in my life that have done so much to help me. So when I help others its kind of my way of paying it forward I guess. Also a friend of mine told me the same thing about how Gary is trying to convince himself he is doing right or else he knows he’ll look like a jerk. I don’t think he wants to come to terms with how horrible of a thing he did. And I’ve also been told about how he will have regrets later. I think many answers about what’s going to happen to him and this relationship are in front of me. But you are so right that I do play scenerios in my mind a lot and kind of confuse myself and set myself back. Which is something I can’t do to myself anymore. Like you said. Its time to move forward and thats what I plan to do. Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. It means a lot to hear it.

Do you think the move to NY will be soon?

[Kimberly526]

Hi Fiona. Thank you so much for your psychic impressions. I do agree that my ex does put on a surface attitude. I don’t really understand why he does that though. Why do you think he does that? Gary works 3rd shift at Walmart doing Maintnence. He has tried to go for Manager positions there at Walmart. I don’t know if he has gotten one yet or is going to try to get another manager position soon.

As for his new gf I’m not sure what she does for work. I have heard that she used to work at a cell phone store. I don’t know if she still works there or not. I have also had the feeling that she works in the medical field as well. But i’m not so sure. We have spoken a few times. And it turns out she didn’t know that Gary was still in a relationship with me while he was persuing her. He had told her that we had broken up. So for a while things were rocky between them but now they’ve made up and are still together.

As far as her being addicted to drama. Although I don’t really know her too well, she doesn’t seem like the type that would be addicted to drama. She seems to actually have quite levelheaded. However, has been married twice already and I have no idea as to why those marriages ended. She has told me that Gary has also shown jealousy over a guy friend of hers that she’s really close too. He has been trying to get her to cut this friend out of her life and she won’t do it.

However you hit the nail on the head when you said she is predatory. She is VERY predatory. She is the kind of girl who tells it how it is and is very snippy. She’s told me that she’s already gone off on gary and has chewed him out and he just sits there and does nothing about it.

Me running some kind of humanitarian project isn’t something i’ve thought about in life. But it does sound like something that i could possibly get into. I do love helping others and I wouldn’t mind getting into something like that.

Please let me know what you think and if you see anything else. Thank you so much

[Author]

Posts